Here's a new one. It's after 2am, and I'm actually writing because I've calmed down.
Tonight!
I know!
I mean, sure, we've all seen me go to sleep and wake up embarrassed and calmer, but to do so in the same night? I'm pretty sure that is unprecedented.
Anyway, I've decided that I was too quick to jump to conclusions earlier. Maybe the entire world isn't out to get me. Perhaps comparing myself to the Wandering Jew was stretching the problem. The fact that I haven't had anything even remotely resembling a real relationship this close to 30 is a little frightening, but the fact of the matter is that an enormous lack of self-confidence is a thing I will probably always battle. A need to please everyone in the room will be the albatross around my neck for quite some time to come.
Perhaps women are idiots. Perhaps men are too. Regardless, the fact of the matter is that I haven't ever actually played the game. Oh, I've come close once or twice, but I always pull back before the game ends.
I used to say that I was a great wingman, because I had preternatural skill in convincing women to come talk to me and my gang. I also said I was a great wingman, because the skill ended at this point.
Maybe I was wrong about that. Maybe the skill didn't end there. Maybe the problem was that I just didn't stick with it. I see guys stick by the side of a woman all night that they barely know, and I think, "What a tool." Thing is, maybe that tool knows a thing or two that I don't.
Maybe to get where we're trying to go in life each of us has to accept the fact that we can't always be the life of the party. Maybe, we need to grow a pair, make a choice, and stick with it.
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You know who I am. I find you attractive. I think you're wonderfully smart and kind. You've been one of my favorite people to be around. We made out a couple of times. Even parked on a dirt road to do so. But you didn't seem interested. You didn't call. I'm educated, ok-looking, but I guess I wasn't what you wanted. I'm tired of listening to you complain about being fat, no girls wanting you. Maybe you need to look at how you respond to women. If you're interested, show them. There are girls out there who look past the physical stuff. And if those girls aren't good enough looking for you, then lose the weight. If it's holding you back so much, do it, once and for all.
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