Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Three Things

Alright. Here's today.

1st: Found out, after 2 months of swimming almost every day and usually swimming at least a mile a day, that I have lost, quite literally, no weight. I weigh, today, exactly what I weighed the last time I weighed myself.


2nd: This girl that I'm kind of into at the moment agreed to go to this fun-sounding dance/exercise thing with me tonight. She didn't show. I called a couple times. No answer. She also did not ever call to apologize or give an excuse.

Why do I feel like the bad guy for being irritated about this?

3rd: Got rejected by the FDIC today. I currently have next to no job prospects and am just waiting for the letter of rejection from the Hutchinson firm. Surely that'll be coming in the next few days. How much fun will that be!

Look, I realize I'm kind of a douche bag. I know I throw just about as many impediments in my own way as anyone else might. But is this really my life?

God, even that sounds asinine. "Oh. Boo-hoo. Not everything in my life has been handed to me on a silver platter. Why doesn't everyone feel sorry for me?"

Maybe this is just one of those tired things. I already exercised tonight. I ate dinner. I watched humorous television shows. Typically, if none of those things work, I can go to sleep and everything will seem better in the morning.

Except this feels kinda different. Actually, a lot of my rants have been feeling different these days. Perhaps it has to do with my aging, but I'm slowly getting less weepy about life and more pissed off. I mean, sure, I've made mistakes. Every reader of this blog can attest to that. One even has recently.

But is that all there is? I make a few profound mistakes in life (another example, not getting good enough grades my 1L year) and I'm relegated to some sort of weird life that's a partial mix of has-been and never-had? I'm freaking 27! This is prime of my life territory! Why do so many things suck?

Maybe it's because of mornings. I go through an awful lot of my life content and patient. Except the fact of the matter is that content doesn't get you major life advancements. It doesn't get you a job. It doesn't get you a promotion. It doesn't get you a girlfriend. In the paraphrased (and made up) words of Freud, it doesn't get you laid.

And without those things, what is life? The collective purpose of humankind is to contribute to the whole through work and to procreate. I've managed to do neither of those things. I mean, it's not even close.

So here is to every single one of my friends. You, every single one of you, have managed to accomplish more in life than I. Kudos.

Alright. I guess that's enough of this pissed off rant that appears to be tinged with what might callously be called a mild self-loathing. As I do not consider myself a callous individual, I will choose to call it a frustration in efforts of self. Time to go to bed, so I can wake up and turn back into the nice, friendly, happy version of myself who will be embarrassed about this discourse.



Anonymous said...

Hey Fe, I know this might not be the same for you but I thought that I'd atleast put it out there. After moving to this post, I became friends with a girl here (so over 9 months) and D works out twice a day mostly all cardio. She hasn't lost any weight or inches either. Recently she found out she should be on a gluten free diet. Now, I honestly don't know much about it, but what I do know is if you should be on it and aren't it can prevent you from losing weight as well as cause you to get tired more easily then you otherwise might. She hasn't been on it for too long yet, but has already noticed a difference in how she feels...weight wise I don't know as she's a girl and I haven't asked her what the scale says. I just thought I'd let you know because I can feel the frustration if you've been doing all that swimming surely something would have gave pounds off or pants looser or something. Plus as for the feeling like a bad guy for being irritated, don't. Just be irritated its ok or even pissed. I was every time when I've been stood up. Audrie

Anonymous said...

Try reading "Good Calories Bad Calories" to get a different view on nutrition and exercise than the establishments' (American Heart Associations') failed standard advice. Its a comprehensive look at metabolism and nutrition research. A real tomb but its worth it.

Job prospects are always more a function of the market and the supply or in the case gross oversupply of qualified individuals than it is about your qualifications or competence. There are at least twice as many law students matriculating than there are legal positions being created or opened. Schools never work responsibly to keep the number of students enrolled in step with the market. Rather, a feedback loop of pissed off and disgruntled graduates slowly informs prospective students. Its a slow and inefficient process and the schools should be honest and self restraining - never enrolling more students than what the market for them can reasonably bare. This happens throughout academia. Bachelors programs are no exception and the failure of many undergraduate programs to give graduates job training and education that can lead to a reasonable living wage is partly to blame for the huge number of applicants to law and other graduate schools.


Anonymous said...

Fee, I was just watching that celebrity fit show and they were talking to the guy who hadn't lost any weight for like two months and then suddenly he lost 11. So like Audrie said, when you first work out your fat turns to muscle and your body doesn't lose any weight. Once you have the muscle established to keep up with all your new exercise, then your body is like, oh, I can lose fat now. So it might be partly a matter of time. (sidenote...I don't actually watch clebrity fit club but on my TV guide channel, they always have clips of it so I'm forced to listen to it as I watch for good shows...:) Kay

Erin said...

This is not weight loss advice. This is also a GRRRR to you afore-commenting persistently skinny people. The only thing that has ever worked for me is stopping eating. Exercise just doesn't burn enough calories. Yeah, they say the metabolism slows down when you enter starvation, but you still burn calories. And if starving yourself is hard, there's always phentermine. There's a Dr. here in Salina that prescribes it and it does great things for some of our shared patients.

audrie said...

I just have to comment again as it still irks me. I know I might be taking it wrong as people do interpert what others say differently than sometimes meant and I could just very well be hormonal. However, I was not intending for my first post to be weight loss advice. I simply meant to pass along something a friend of mine has found out about the way her body does or does not digest certain foods which as a result does affect the POSSIBILTY of weight loss. I am by no means an expert on this glocuse intolerant issue nor on Fe because the only expert on the second is Fe himself. Since Fe's first thing was more of I haven't lost pounds not what can I do (and he is a grown smart individual that I am yes assuming which is never good but still likely safe to do in this situation probably knows the most common ways to lose weight why would I advise about it) I thought I could throw out there something different for food for thought. As for the other irk, its to the GRR. Everyone is entitled to GRRs and I have my fair share, however the f, have you seen me in the last ten years? Not every female loses the weight they gain from pregnancy and I certainly haven't been one of them thus far. Now that some of the steam is evap.d I do thank you for the roundabout compliment on thinking I was and still am skinny....

Anonymous said...

Law school is like that.. easy to feel doubtful and to wonder if you are incapable of doing more with your life.

I am right now wondering if my chances for any law school glory have passed by as I'm about to graduate. *sigh*

Good luck to you.